ihu body

Jan. 23rd, 2012 03:03 pm
potato_head: (>:c)
[livejournal.com profile] outdatedclocks has pointed out that my lower-back/hip problems, and my leg problems, are probably all related to the issues I have with my feet (lack of arches?). I've been making do with CVS-brand arch support pads, but they're not really enough, and I'd like to be able to do some cardio and upper-body stuff again, which I can't really now since my back hurts alllll the time. I'd been putting off talking to my doctor about it because of my terrible experiences with my last one...even though this one's shown no indication she's suddenly going to go all 'you're lying, you must be sneaking nachos in the middle of the night, fatty' on me. In fact, she'll probably be happy to help me out, since she wants me exercising before I go on T since I have a genetic disposition towards hypertension (dad's been hospitalized for it).

BTW, for those curious about the whole doctor saga, since I've posted it around a few places but not actually here at my main journal I think (since I just realized last night [livejournal.com profile] ocelotofdoom had never read the whole thing)...I submitted the whole thing to First, Do No Harm (excellent blog BTW) so you can read it here (it's so long I don't see a need to copy+paste it here P:)

Speaking of [livejournal.com profile] ocelotofdoom, we might be hanging out this weekend :D or rather, probably are. I am still working out the logistics, I think I'll stay on campus this weekend and take the train into the city. It would mean missing a therapy appointment, but I've skipped weeks in the past (or rather, therapist has cancelled on me) so I know it won't do any damage emotionally or to my comfort level with him.

Okay I really should go to class 6 u 9;;

potato_head: (beautiful mess)
So today I went outside to check out the spider population at work. Every summer we get a huge population of these fat black orb-weaver spiders - the butt is about the mass of the tip of my thumb on the adults; I'm not sure exactly which species they are. Basically, because we're the only source of light right across from a state park, the building gets swarmed with bugs at night and there are so many nooks and crannies outside that never even get touched that every year, one or two whole nests hatch and they all survive and co-exist, clustered fairly close together in the most ideal places to make their webs. Anyways, this year is no different, with two big old adults and about six or seven baby spiders on the corner of the building; probably that number again under the archway over the drivethru window, I didn't go to look because I was afraid of walking through one of their webs.

I tried to get a photo, but my phone has an issue with taking pictures of something that small; I might actually bring my camera tomorrow to get a short video, since they're so active at night. They didn't even take note of me, just kept going about their spidery business, even when I spoke to them. Maybe they're used to noise, considering they're right on the parking lot.

There are also some really tiny orb weavers around our house that I really want photos of, because they're very pretty - iridescent green. But like I said, they are tiny, and I can't find the macro/micro settings on my new camera :P but they build HUGE webs comparative to their size - easily twice the size of any of the webs I saw the black ones at work make; they make them in the woods, and one determined spider keeps making its web across the front door in the two hours or so after everybody else gets home before I do, and I keep walking into it. Or maybe it's a succession of spiders who don't realize what a bad spot it is. I always feel guilty when I see the little spider sitting on the wall by the door, watching/feeling its hard work just be ripped up. :C I HAVE TO GET INSIDE, LITTLE SPIDER.

Interestingly, I still find I have a much stronger 'OMFG EW SPIDER AJDKLSG MIGHT BITE ME' reaction to orb spiders than hunting spiders, even though I know hunting spiders are much more likely to bite me and to have venom that will bother me. Something about the shape, I guess; Hunting spiders could pass for other arachnids (like huntsman) but orb spiders are the unmistakable classic spider shape. They also have a kind of alien look to them.

Speaking of weird fears - I'm still dealing with my one genuine phobia, of water I can't see through/things in water/dark, wet places. It continues to get worse. Which is disappointing because I recently discovered some male swimwear-type outfits I could actually wear, and I would love to do things like swim and clam hunt (I LOVE clam hunting sfm) again without having a complete breakdown. Hell, it would be nice to be able to go to the aquarium. I used to LOVE the aquarium.

Unfortunately, I've pretty much established that this mysterious phobia is actually somehow related to masking my dysphoria. For a long time, I thought I didn't even feel any, but lately I've caught a few brief glimpses of emotions that I have apparently buried too deep for even me to excavate. And I just don't have the energy to deal with that now, and I can't even really convince myself that swimming is better than being able to ignore my dysphoria.

Besides, I know mom would resist the hell out of me wearing anything at all masculine to the beach, especially if it showed any of my (gasp) unshaven legs. She started a screaming match with me over not shaving my legs before my last doctor's visit - when she knows my doctor knows I'm trans. Besides which, I'm pretty sure there isn't actually etiquette about women shaving their legs before seeing the doctor...is there? She also says it's bad manners to not shave one's legs when staying as a guest in somebody else's house. I feel like it would be quite the opposite, shaving in somebody else's shower...

I have realized that what I was mistaking the past few nights for Nikka catching a mouse outside is actually a bat that is hanging off the lip of our roof right outside the windows and making noise. IDK what is up with this bat, but it's pretty entertaining.
potato_head: (lol)
I'm getting my haircut today! Same reference photo as last time, although if the hairstylist freaks out and gets all excited like last time I may have to find a new one, because...wtf. Also, "what happened to make you want this haircut?!!" is the weirdest question I have ever been asked. What kind of answer was she expecting? Did she think it was a post-breakup haircut, or did she expect something more like I kissed a girl and I liked it~

Also, I had two weird conversations about my lactose intolerance last weekend. On Saturday my aunt asked me why I was drinking soy milk (note that she was rather drunk) and I explained that I was lactose intolerant. Mom monopolized the conversation as always and went off on a tangent about how I would never drink milk or eat eggs as a child, and my aunt (WHO IS A TRAINED NURSE, mind you) came away from the conversation with the understanding that lactose intolerance also means you can't eat poultry products.

Then on Sunday my coworker, who I dislike and who thinks we are best friends because I am polite to her, asked me to try her improvised strawberry milkshake. I said it wouldn't be a good idea due to my lactose intolerance. After she drank her own, she informed the trainee we were working with that she's "lactose intolerant...not like Corinne's, but drinking creamy things makes me cough after." I didn't have the heart to tell her an intolerance is not the same as an allergy, and that it's normal for the body to produce a lot of mucus after a person consumes dairy.

I also rearranged my bookshelf in my room the other day. I just thought you all might appreciate the fact that it has a paranormal reference section. Also a mythological/religious reference section (which includes one huge book on the mythological history of Wales and Ireland...which I have filled with colorful reference tabs and notes).

ETA: Haircut was a super success! Partly I think because she read me as male :P she did a double-take when she read my name and I walked up, lol. I should probably just start giving my middle name (Lee) or Domino since they just use your name to call you up and not for payment or anything, but my mom pays for my haircuts and I've only just got her to stop coming up to the hairdresser during the haircuts to try and explain away why I am getting a guy's cut...


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