They tend to become extremists because they all agree with each other
IME it's actually the other way around, extremists are more likely to seclude themselves. But that is admittedly limited experience :P but I'm already as much of an extremist as I can be, I think (taking into account my morals). I agree though that it's easy to surround oneself with yes-men and say it's just a matter of protecting oneself, so it's something I'm very careful about, and it's part of the reason I get involved so much as an ally for groups I'm not a part of, to help myself keep perspective.
But TBH I think it's really my extremism that come out of my learned trust issues, personally. I really don't know if that might be the case for other people, because the fact is that I associate with very few extremists. But those that I do know come from a similar social past that I do, i.e. having been very badly bullied for a very long time, with no support. Which is definitely something to think about (I'm discussing it with someone right now actually) but I don't think particularly means anything either way; it could mean that I'm still repeating patterns I learned in a different social context, or it could just mean that I've incorporated what I learned there about people's natures into my view of the world today.
But still, it feels a little insulting to be clumped in with all people of the label 'cis', since, in my experience, no one group of people is all the same. Or even remotely similar.
Is anybody doing that though? I'm fairly certain I didn't say anything to that effect, nor have heard any sentiment like that from any except violent extremists...it's very confusing to me because you're certainly not the first person I've heard express this sentiment. It seems like a lot of the time, if a minority says anything about feeling safe with regards to being around people with power over them, at least one person reads it as them all being tarred with the same brush; I also see it really frequently in feminist discussions of the 'potential rapist' concept. And it seems to happen regardless of how carefully things are worded. So I'm at a loss.
My most successful 'freak' friend had a way about him of announcing the truth calmly and without apology to those that needed to know.
How are we measuring 'success' here? I'm assuming something along the lines of confidence, apparent quality of life, and so on...but I'm also wondering if your other friends would actually agree with your evaluation of their success vis a vis his. After all, not everybody has the same goals in life...it seems impossible, to me, to try to compare how successful people have been at...hmm...living as a freak? I guess part of the problem is I'm not sure what exactly it is that he's supposed to be being successful at :P
But regardless...it's not always so cut-and-dry, as I'm sure you know. Trust me, we are all aware of that balance; finding it is one of the struggles of being trans, along with many other minorities, and it's a different place for everyone...and TBH in the case of trans people, that place will ALWAYS make SOMEONE uncomfortable. You just have to look at the 'rules' some cis people make up about how trans people should conduct themselves on dates - they all conflict. No matter whether you're always out about who you are, or choose to wait until after one date or two dates or until you get intimate - some cis person will be very uncomfortable with your choice. So - this is why I think, personally, an individual's choice as to how to address their own differences should probably be only their own business, inasmuchas it's not hurting anybody else; you can't make everyone happy, and some people's goals aren't to make anyone besides themselves happy, which personally I think is fine too as long as they don't expect to make friends easily, which I'm sure they're aware they won't.
I'm not sure all of that was actually coherent :P you've got me thinking about a lot, it's usually not a good idea for me to try and type and think at the same time.
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IME it's actually the other way around, extremists are more likely to seclude themselves. But that is admittedly limited experience :P but I'm already as much of an extremist as I can be, I think (taking into account my morals). I agree though that it's easy to surround oneself with yes-men and say it's just a matter of protecting oneself, so it's something I'm very careful about, and it's part of the reason I get involved so much as an ally for groups I'm not a part of, to help myself keep perspective.
But TBH I think it's really my extremism that come out of my learned trust issues, personally. I really don't know if that might be the case for other people, because the fact is that I associate with very few extremists. But those that I do know come from a similar social past that I do, i.e. having been very badly bullied for a very long time, with no support. Which is definitely something to think about (I'm discussing it with someone right now actually) but I don't think particularly means anything either way; it could mean that I'm still repeating patterns I learned in a different social context, or it could just mean that I've incorporated what I learned there about people's natures into my view of the world today.
But still, it feels a little insulting to be clumped in with all people of the label 'cis', since, in my experience, no one group of people is all the same. Or even remotely similar.
Is anybody doing that though? I'm fairly certain I didn't say anything to that effect, nor have heard any sentiment like that from any except violent extremists...it's very confusing to me because you're certainly not the first person I've heard express this sentiment. It seems like a lot of the time, if a minority says anything about feeling safe with regards to being around people with power over them, at least one person reads it as them all being tarred with the same brush; I also see it really frequently in feminist discussions of the 'potential rapist' concept. And it seems to happen regardless of how carefully things are worded. So I'm at a loss.
My most successful 'freak' friend had a way about him of announcing the truth calmly and without apology to those that needed to know.
How are we measuring 'success' here? I'm assuming something along the lines of confidence, apparent quality of life, and so on...but I'm also wondering if your other friends would actually agree with your evaluation of their success vis a vis his. After all, not everybody has the same goals in life...it seems impossible, to me, to try to compare how successful people have been at...hmm...living as a freak? I guess part of the problem is I'm not sure what exactly it is that he's supposed to be being successful at :P
But regardless...it's not always so cut-and-dry, as I'm sure you know. Trust me, we are all aware of that balance; finding it is one of the struggles of being trans, along with many other minorities, and it's a different place for everyone...and TBH in the case of trans people, that place will ALWAYS make SOMEONE uncomfortable. You just have to look at the 'rules' some cis people make up about how trans people should conduct themselves on dates - they all conflict. No matter whether you're always out about who you are, or choose to wait until after one date or two dates or until you get intimate - some cis person will be very uncomfortable with your choice. So - this is why I think, personally, an individual's choice as to how to address their own differences should probably be only their own business, inasmuchas it's not hurting anybody else; you can't make everyone happy, and some people's goals aren't to make anyone besides themselves happy, which personally I think is fine too as long as they don't expect to make friends easily, which I'm sure they're aware they won't.
I'm not sure all of that was actually coherent :P you've got me thinking about a lot, it's usually not a good idea for me to try and type and think at the same time.