potato_head (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
potato_head) wrote2012-03-13 09:49 pm
potato_head) wrote2012-03-13 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
Trans Ramble Ummm
First of all, for all my trans buddies, Trans 101: for Trans People. Seriously, go read it.
And now, introspective post?
There's the thing, right, where I'm an activist, but not one of those activists who gets into groups and makes signs and collects funds and all of that. Mostly because I don't feel comfortable working in big groups, or groups organized around a thought or idea. I feel out of my element, and often I don't feel safe, because I do have trust issues as a hold over from well...most of the social interactions in my life? But in a situation like that - I can't be part of a group and actively take on another group because I can't actually trust that the people on my side really have my back. So in my head it just becomes me vs. The Privileged World, in the group arena, if that makes sense.
So yeah, I approach people one-on-one, and I educate, a lot, all the time, pretty much non-stop. Partly because it's nearly impossible for me not to, sometimes, but mostly because this is something I can do - something I am, as a matter of fact, pretty good at. Educating in general is one of my skills (I ended up co-teaching way too many of my classes in high school) and I also have another skill that I use very rarely outside the context of educating; I can take control of a social situation if I need to, and as long as I'm calm, which I usually am. Complete control.
I don't do this usually, because I don't want to (really really really don't want to), but it is extremely fucking useful, let me tell you, when you're directing discussion about trans issues in a group of cis people who have barely heard the word 'transsexual' in their life. As long as I'm calm, I can keep them calm, and in the end everyone comes away happier and with no privilege owwies.
(To note, this works less well online, obviously, and takes more effort. I rarely bother, since you can't isolate a social experience easily online, which is kind of a requirement unless I want to build a whole online manipulative persona around helping certain more excitable cis people keep their pecs calm)
So yeah, I have these advantages going for me. I also know my limits, and how to not overextend them, socially; this is something I've been practicing since I was pretty young. So I worked it into this role easily enough.
And I don't feel obligated to educate. It makes me happy; it's something I need to do, for myself, because I can't stand that there are trans and queer people out there who have nobody beside them, who are afraid to come out because the people they rely on don't understand what these words mean, either literally or for their life. And I want to be there to hold them and protect them at those times when they can't stand on their own, but I can't. So I do my best to educate people because that's something I can do, and maybe it's helping make the world just little bit more friendly for us.
I guess my point is - I choose to do this because I want to do something, and this is what I'm good at. But I think I often make the mistake of thinking of it as easy, and portraying it that way to other people. It is easier, for me, than other kinds of activism. But it isn't actually easy. It's really fucking hard sometimes. It's pretty much Sisyphus' boulder. You start by 'feeling' someone out (is this person going to punch me in the face for trying to discuss this?) and laying down hints so they get curious and start the conversation. You have one conversation - one long, hard, drawn-out conversation, filled with some questions that are really personal and some that are accidentally traps because the person has so little to go with other than assumptions; and you break down preconceptions and try to replace them with knowledge and lay down the paving for more conversations in the future, and most of the time at the end you feel a bit worn-down but you know it went as well as it could have, and you've helped a good but ignorant person become an ally. Sometimes it goes wrong because the topic is more threatening to them than to most people or they're just very invested in their privilege or they just don't give a fuck, and you figure out ways to deal with how that makes you feel, because you can't control that, but it can still feel like a failure, and sometimes even put you in a dangerous situation. So you do all that with one conversation.
Then you talk to someone else and it's back to step one again.
And, I mean, that's the nature of what I'm doing, it's not like it was some big revelation that people don't relay this kind of information to each other telepathically or anything. But it's incessant and exhausting and sometime depressing. And yes, I choose to keep doing it anyway, I'm not looking for - pity or anything? I'm doing this voluntarily. But that's my point. I'm doing it voluntarily. Nobody should ever feel compelled to do this.
And that is why I get really fucking pissed every time somebody says something to the effect of 'but if you don't educate me, how will I learn?' because yeah I do this by choice, all the time, but nobody is obligated to do this for you. Being a marginalized person does not make me or anybody else your teacher or tutor or caged animal to poke at.
I feel like I just meandered around and said very little but I guess that's why it's an introspective post yeah?
I might do an actual factual post-for-allies tomorrow. About the sex binary. I'm not female-bodied thnx 6 u 9
Also, as a note, I think I'm going to stop using the word 'offensive'. Because it seems to confuse some people and puts slurs on the same level as, say, swears ('everybody is offended by something~~~'). I'm just going to go with 'oppressive'. Stop using slurs, they're oppressive. Much clearer.
ETA and a bit more rambling for your trouble:
Just about um, intelligence? Because it came up a few times today and seemed related lol
Today in class the professor mentioned that it's standard to start reading properly in like, first grade. And I was like lol what? really? wait what? and then so that's why my second grade teacher looked at me like a freak when I told her what I read over break
Because like...I know, ostensibly, that 'college-age' level books are not usually read by second graders, but day-to-day, I tend to...forget that I'm not normal in that regard. TBH all I really think about with regards to reading was that it made my peers hate me even more and my teachers got mad at me for reading ahead/reading too much/reading when I had finished my work/reading porn (okay, maybe I shouldn't have been reading erotica in middle school, I mean actually in the school).
And then there was this student in the same class who, when the subject of elderly students in college came up, spoke up to give his opinion that they were annoying to share a class with. Because they ask questions that are 'obvious'.
I felt like informing douchebro that likely every question he had ever asked had seemed obvious and redundant to me and in fact most do but I've learned to fucking deal with it because other people are not obligated to make sure my mind is entertained when they are here to learn. Like. Just fucking review your material while the question gets answered, or draw. You can do these things in college, it's amazing. (I am going to start doing these exercises when bored in class, because my hand steadiness and confidence really needs some work).
Oh good, now I'm thinking about art. Should I take a life drawing class? When will I have time to take a life drawing class, with all the other classes I want to take before I have to be done with school? Would I be able to handle a life drawing class, having had no formal art training since a half-class freshman year of high school?
And now, introspective post?
There's the thing, right, where I'm an activist, but not one of those activists who gets into groups and makes signs and collects funds and all of that. Mostly because I don't feel comfortable working in big groups, or groups organized around a thought or idea. I feel out of my element, and often I don't feel safe, because I do have trust issues as a hold over from well...most of the social interactions in my life? But in a situation like that - I can't be part of a group and actively take on another group because I can't actually trust that the people on my side really have my back. So in my head it just becomes me vs. The Privileged World, in the group arena, if that makes sense.
So yeah, I approach people one-on-one, and I educate, a lot, all the time, pretty much non-stop. Partly because it's nearly impossible for me not to, sometimes, but mostly because this is something I can do - something I am, as a matter of fact, pretty good at. Educating in general is one of my skills (I ended up co-teaching way too many of my classes in high school) and I also have another skill that I use very rarely outside the context of educating; I can take control of a social situation if I need to, and as long as I'm calm, which I usually am. Complete control.
I don't do this usually, because I don't want to (really really really don't want to), but it is extremely fucking useful, let me tell you, when you're directing discussion about trans issues in a group of cis people who have barely heard the word 'transsexual' in their life. As long as I'm calm, I can keep them calm, and in the end everyone comes away happier and with no privilege owwies.
(To note, this works less well online, obviously, and takes more effort. I rarely bother, since you can't isolate a social experience easily online, which is kind of a requirement unless I want to build a whole online manipulative persona around helping certain more excitable cis people keep their pecs calm)
So yeah, I have these advantages going for me. I also know my limits, and how to not overextend them, socially; this is something I've been practicing since I was pretty young. So I worked it into this role easily enough.
And I don't feel obligated to educate. It makes me happy; it's something I need to do, for myself, because I can't stand that there are trans and queer people out there who have nobody beside them, who are afraid to come out because the people they rely on don't understand what these words mean, either literally or for their life. And I want to be there to hold them and protect them at those times when they can't stand on their own, but I can't. So I do my best to educate people because that's something I can do, and maybe it's helping make the world just little bit more friendly for us.
I guess my point is - I choose to do this because I want to do something, and this is what I'm good at. But I think I often make the mistake of thinking of it as easy, and portraying it that way to other people. It is easier, for me, than other kinds of activism. But it isn't actually easy. It's really fucking hard sometimes. It's pretty much Sisyphus' boulder. You start by 'feeling' someone out (is this person going to punch me in the face for trying to discuss this?) and laying down hints so they get curious and start the conversation. You have one conversation - one long, hard, drawn-out conversation, filled with some questions that are really personal and some that are accidentally traps because the person has so little to go with other than assumptions; and you break down preconceptions and try to replace them with knowledge and lay down the paving for more conversations in the future, and most of the time at the end you feel a bit worn-down but you know it went as well as it could have, and you've helped a good but ignorant person become an ally. Sometimes it goes wrong because the topic is more threatening to them than to most people or they're just very invested in their privilege or they just don't give a fuck, and you figure out ways to deal with how that makes you feel, because you can't control that, but it can still feel like a failure, and sometimes even put you in a dangerous situation. So you do all that with one conversation.
Then you talk to someone else and it's back to step one again.
And, I mean, that's the nature of what I'm doing, it's not like it was some big revelation that people don't relay this kind of information to each other telepathically or anything. But it's incessant and exhausting and sometime depressing. And yes, I choose to keep doing it anyway, I'm not looking for - pity or anything? I'm doing this voluntarily. But that's my point. I'm doing it voluntarily. Nobody should ever feel compelled to do this.
And that is why I get really fucking pissed every time somebody says something to the effect of 'but if you don't educate me, how will I learn?' because yeah I do this by choice, all the time, but nobody is obligated to do this for you. Being a marginalized person does not make me or anybody else your teacher or tutor or caged animal to poke at.
I feel like I just meandered around and said very little but I guess that's why it's an introspective post yeah?
I might do an actual factual post-for-allies tomorrow. About the sex binary. I'm not female-bodied thnx 6 u 9
Also, as a note, I think I'm going to stop using the word 'offensive'. Because it seems to confuse some people and puts slurs on the same level as, say, swears ('everybody is offended by something~~~'). I'm just going to go with 'oppressive'. Stop using slurs, they're oppressive. Much clearer.
ETA and a bit more rambling for your trouble:
Just about um, intelligence? Because it came up a few times today and seemed related lol
Today in class the professor mentioned that it's standard to start reading properly in like, first grade. And I was like lol what? really? wait what? and then so that's why my second grade teacher looked at me like a freak when I told her what I read over break
Because like...I know, ostensibly, that 'college-age' level books are not usually read by second graders, but day-to-day, I tend to...forget that I'm not normal in that regard. TBH all I really think about with regards to reading was that it made my peers hate me even more and my teachers got mad at me for reading ahead/reading too much/reading when I had finished my work/reading porn (okay, maybe I shouldn't have been reading erotica in middle school, I mean actually in the school).
And then there was this student in the same class who, when the subject of elderly students in college came up, spoke up to give his opinion that they were annoying to share a class with. Because they ask questions that are 'obvious'.
I felt like informing douchebro that likely every question he had ever asked had seemed obvious and redundant to me and in fact most do but I've learned to fucking deal with it because other people are not obligated to make sure my mind is entertained when they are here to learn. Like. Just fucking review your material while the question gets answered, or draw. You can do these things in college, it's amazing. (I am going to start doing these exercises when bored in class, because my hand steadiness and confidence really needs some work).
Oh good, now I'm thinking about art. Should I take a life drawing class? When will I have time to take a life drawing class, with all the other classes I want to take before I have to be done with school? Would I be able to handle a life drawing class, having had no formal art training since a half-class freshman year of high school?