Thanks for going into this; I'm from the asexuality group, and I for one appreciate that you have a lot of words and tend toward rambling. Me too, me too.
I'm not really sure how to go into the discussion of whether sexual privilege exists, because I think wherever you have a HUGE majority and then one teeny minority it's almost inevitable that the majority gets things the minority is denied. I don't think it's sexual people's fault of course, and I don't think they have to be INTENDING to oppress us in order to still contribute to the existence of the status quo (you know, "but everyone is sexual, and if they say they aren't, they're effed up and/or lying"). But this knee-jerk "OMG how dare you say we are privileged!" reaction from these communities does make me narrow my eyes a bit, since that's pretty much how most entitled people act when their privilege is called into question.
I think that if each queer person in that community sat down with the "knapsack" and looked at the list for heterosexual people, they'd be able to generalize almost EVERYTHING in it to asexual people (if they were being honest). Just like them, we're not represented in culture. Just like them, people in our own family and friend groups can shun us or attack us if they find out. And just like them, we are often made into representatives for our sexuality even if we don't want to be. But unlike them, we don't have counseling centers or therapists devoted to our "genre" of sexuality, and we don't have large amounts of resources or clubs where asexuals can meet other asexuals for romantic dating, and we don't usually get accepted as EXISTING the first time we tell the people important to us. (On that last, of course sometimes gay people have to deal with "being gay is bad" or "maybe you just haven't had the right opposite-sex partner," but in nearly all cases they're at least going to know what you MEAN by gay and believe you actually are, even if they think it's wrong.)
With very little else to do but try to turn to the queer community for understanding, we get this kind of reaction and are told we don't belong there either. And furthermore that we're co-opting people's identities by trying to have it acknowledged that we're not straight and we do experience erasure/oppression. And since most asexual people are probably assumed straight by society, of course those of us not in homosexual relationships are often afforded some modicum of straight privilege, but that doesn't mean for all intents and purposes *we are straight* or don't have our own problems. (Any more than a trans person who "passes" can't be hurt by transphobia anymore.)
If you're interested, I have a published article called "Are Asexuals Queer?" and I can point you to the website if you'd like to read it.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-05-26 08:43 pm (UTC)I'm not really sure how to go into the discussion of whether sexual privilege exists, because I think wherever you have a HUGE majority and then one teeny minority it's almost inevitable that the majority gets things the minority is denied. I don't think it's sexual people's fault of course, and I don't think they have to be INTENDING to oppress us in order to still contribute to the existence of the status quo (you know, "but everyone is sexual, and if they say they aren't, they're effed up and/or lying"). But this knee-jerk "OMG how dare you say we are privileged!" reaction from these communities does make me narrow my eyes a bit, since that's pretty much how most entitled people act when their privilege is called into question.
I think that if each queer person in that community sat down with the "knapsack" and looked at the list for heterosexual people, they'd be able to generalize almost EVERYTHING in it to asexual people (if they were being honest). Just like them, we're not represented in culture. Just like them, people in our own family and friend groups can shun us or attack us if they find out. And just like them, we are often made into representatives for our sexuality even if we don't want to be. But unlike them, we don't have counseling centers or therapists devoted to our "genre" of sexuality, and we don't have large amounts of resources or clubs where asexuals can meet other asexuals for romantic dating, and we don't usually get accepted as EXISTING the first time we tell the people important to us. (On that last, of course sometimes gay people have to deal with "being gay is bad" or "maybe you just haven't had the right opposite-sex partner," but in nearly all cases they're at least going to know what you MEAN by gay and believe you actually are, even if they think it's wrong.)
With very little else to do but try to turn to the queer community for understanding, we get this kind of reaction and are told we don't belong there either. And furthermore that we're co-opting people's identities by trying to have it acknowledged that we're not straight and we do experience erasure/oppression. And since most asexual people are probably assumed straight by society, of course those of us not in homosexual relationships are often afforded some modicum of straight privilege, but that doesn't mean for all intents and purposes *we are straight* or don't have our own problems. (Any more than a trans person who "passes" can't be hurt by transphobia anymore.)
If you're interested, I have a published article called "Are Asexuals Queer?" and I can point you to the website if you'd like to read it.