turtles

Some sort of faerie has stolen the voice of a starling (female european starling, to be exact) and is using it to harass our house. Possibly intentionally targeting me, since I'm pretty susceptible to the sound of a bird in distress, in a way I'm not to most animals.

It's circling the house right now. The cat keeps going in and out and the dog won't settle down and go to bed. He was running to bark out the front window before, but has stopped now that it's not out front any more.

IDEK guysss I will come back later and write out everything exactly as it happened, once this is resolved. Right now things are kind of tense lol. Not that I think I'm in any danger, as long as I'm not stupid enough to go outside after it, and even before I realized what was going on my good sense managed to prevail over my immediate response that I wanted to go outside to find the bird.

Alright I can't focus enough to give any more detail I'm actually just looking for any advice from my friendsies with closer ties to faeries than I have. Thoughts? I have a plan of action for tomorrow, we found the body of the bird. We're going to bury it in an established cemetery with coins, a needle through its heart, and Paige is going to do funeral rites.

Well, I say 'we'. Paige is going to do all these things. I will probably be sleeping.

You guys I am so excited about doing surveys of ontdcreepy!!! I spent my economic stats class working on Skepticism survey statements. Also came up with a possible third survey, community-specific demographics; or I might include it with the other demographic questions. It's stuff like how often you visit ontdcreepy, what posts you attend the most, what topics you are most interested in, etc.

Also, something odd has been happening. So yesterday I was in my Intermediate Macro Ec class and I had a moment where I kind of...zoned out. It was only a few seconds. And then I had this feeling like for those few seconds I had seen something horrifying and really scary. I suppose kind of like I had looked into hell, if I believed in a literal hell. But I couldn't remember exactly what I had seen.

Anyways the feeling faded after a bit and I basically forgot about it. But then today I was in my Stats for Economics class and...the same exact thing happened. In the exact same way. Again, it only lasted a few seconds.

Now the thing is - I can still remember what was actually happening in the class for those few seconds I zoned out; it's not like I'm missing time. (That's the only reason I'm not worried about these being some kind of small seizure.)

I have experienced this kind of feeling of general horror once before - several years ago, in my 'dragon egg' dream, one of the nightmares I titled because it scared me so badly. It was a very vague dream and I am still completely unable to interpret it, since the fact that it was the hatching dragon egg that was linked to this feeling of overwhelming horror is so out of line with any personal or general interpretations of dragons as a symbol.

Unless if I were to look at very Christian-centric symbolism of course, in which case a hatching dragon egg is a very clear symbol: the birth of the anti-Christ.

Thoughts?

I've had this accusation thrown at me before, and seen it thrown at other trans people, in so many words or no, so I'd like to take a moment to talk about where I am in my life and what that means to me.

( Cis hater )

So I spent a lot of time thinking about this lately (and have apparently come to the conclusion that you guys care as much as I do about why I do the things I do). Basically, about why I acted the way I did on Saturday (spending most of my work breaks arguing with assholes on the internet despite the emotional stress it caused).

Are you liking the parentheses? I am thinking of concluding all of my thoughts with parenthetical clauses from now on (jk, jk).

Okay, srsface now:
( Warning for brief mention of being suicidal )

So yes. That was a journey into introspection for me, which I thought some of you might find at least tangentially interesting.

In other news, I think I've actually narrowed my choices down to two names: Sydney and Cortland. I'm not going to rush into choosing though, since I learned my lesson last time after investing so much into Christian and then realizing I didn't like it at all. Although I think part of that mistake was my initial euphoria of 'OH MY GOD I CAN FINALLY HAVE A NAME THAT IS ACTUALLY ME'. As opposed to my current name which I just feel is something that people call me. Kind of like they're whistling at me like I'm a dog. Which is terrible, but I realized that's really how I feel about it, and it's why I'm not really participating in the ontdcreepy facebook page even though I want to...because obviously the only thing they have to call me by is my first name. Ugh.

Yes, I did just load this post with tags. Yes, they are all relevant.