The Corpse Dream
Feb. 1st, 2011 04:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
potato_headAlright! I ate (hotdog and tater tots...they only had the grill station open) and also moved my car (omfg scary, almost ran into another car just driving around the parking lots...or more accurately desperately trying to break as my care slipped down the snow towards a stalled car at the bottom of a hill in the parking lot). I am actually not sure that the place I parked is technically a parking spot, but it's not between the 'NO PARKING DURING SNOW EMERGENCIES' signs nor in front of a handicapped parking spot so I'm in good enough shape. It LOOKS like a parking spot, and whatever lines are underneath are covered in snow.
So yeah, as promised, here's an interpretation of a dream I had. If you haven't read the post I made earlier today yet, go read it first!
Also, a few warnings: there will be some vague sexual references, and some more vivid just-plain-creepy imagery, described under the cut.
This dream was from a few months ago - about a month before Winter break actually. It was a pretty big deal at the time, though. By now I only remember a few snippets from it (still impressive considering how LONG it's been) but luckily I have the whole thing written down in my dream journal! I told you they're handy! Mine's a notebook with the Justice League on the front :D
I'll start by just copying the relevant part of the dream here so you can read it. Remember I had just woke up so excuse plz if my narrative skills were not excellent 6 n 9 I'm copying it verbatim, including ampersands, which I use ALL THE TIME when I'm writing by hand. Anything in [brackets] is added now for clarification.
I went to an expensive member's club sort of place, like you would usually find at an airport, & at first I somehow bypassed the front desk. When I turned around & saw the guy there he looked weird - all red & purple & sort of rotten, & didn't feel "real," but when I approached him he seemed normal & had a British accent. I asked if could have a tour & he started to say something about a cult; I couldn't hear him - there was a vacuum like ours behind me, blowing out the top [and making a lot of noise so I couldn't hear him]. I apologized & moved closer but still couldn't hear him well. I assumed he was turning me down & joking about it. Suddenly it [as in the dream, or everything] changed. It was me as a black-haired woman filming him & the other woman in the room [she had been sitting at another desk behind the front desk; also, I forgot to mention, but this scene took place in woods, at night] as they did some sort of bondage where they were tied to each others' backs. Everything was fine one moment - hot, even [lol me] - & then, suddenly, the man was saying "there's something wrong with her!" & when he rolled over I could see she was dead, & then she was sort of shrinking [like she was decomposing very quickly] Somebody said "their bones are dissolving" & "there's something wrong." [We also couldn't get the man untied from the decomposing corpse, and it seemed whatever was happening was contagious] This was interspersed with images of a horse's hooves & leg bones in dirt, & woods [during the day] I woke an hour before my alarm, & couldn't go back to sleep.
This was led up to by fitful sleeping, & upon waking I was afraid of everything - afraid to move, then to get off my bed, then afraid of my Ghostling [lol that's this plush, which I had just finished the night before, so it was on the spare bed across the room from mine].
Alright, so that's the dream, and a bit of what happened after I woke up. This dream terrified me, and I was upset by it all day. I couldn't even try to interpret it until I had calmed down quite a bit - and even then I needed some help. I didn't know where to start, so![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
srztanjur and I did a tarot reading on it; the tarot reading said, in essence, that I was neglecting myself. That was enough for me to put it together.
This dream is full of personal symbolism. The primary imagery, of the man tied to the corpse of the woman, is actually a personal symbol of mine - I didn't recognize it at first because hoshit it's disturbing when it's presented so realistically. It's, essentially, a symbol of my personal feelings towards my body, and being trans; I often visualize my body as a person separate from me - because I did build up an entire socially-acceptable 'woman' persona to go along with it - a person that I'm tied to.
No, usually, that person isn't a corpse. However, that part of me, that person I've been tied to for a long time, is dead now; I don't act female anymore, even around distant relatives I'm not out to. I'm myself, and male, 100% of the time.
But although I've personally accepted that, at the time, I wasn't doing a lot about it. I didn't have time to! School was taking pretty much all of my time, and the rest I just wanted to chill out, not think about how to have The Talk with my parents (I've come out to them, but haven't had a real talk with them about what that means). And I was also - this is the important part - ignoring the distress and frustration that was causing for me; I was repressing that and pretending I was fine with this stagnation. That's why it ended up coming out in such a violent manner, in a dream, when I couldn't actively repress it.
Other personal symbols of note in this dream:
Bondage: the dream began with some bondage. I probably haven't mentioned this before, but I'm pretty heavily into BDSM...in theory. I'm actually still a virgin, because I have too many issues with my body to be sexually active. So in this case, the bondage probably represented both my sexuality, and my general enjoyment of life - which was interrupted and corrupted by the emotions I was ignoring.
Horse bones: I am SO scared of horses. And no, before you ask, it's not because of their size. Actually, all animals built for running creep me out; horses, cheetahs, and greyhounds all (I don't have a problem with draft horses). I legit have fears that I'll look outside and see a horse standing there, just STARING at me. Horse BONES are just as bad. This image, of horse bones and hooves in dirt, seems to have been just a manifestation of my fear; probably the fear that I would never be able to move forward in my trans* journey, that I was stuck forever.
And that's it. But wait, you might be thinking, some other things in there looked like they could be symbolic, too! Why did the guy have a British accent? Why did you start in a Frequent Fliers club? What about the vacuum that looked just like yours? Why were you a girl in the dream?
Well, some of these things might indeed be symbols, but most of them probably are not. I already understand what I was expressing in the dream, and it doesn't look to me as if interpreting any more symbols in the dream would afford it a deeper level of meaning. The only thing that I might be inclined to take a closer look at would be the fact that in the dream, I was a woman; but in fact, I happen to switch genders (male, female, and other genders) frequently in dreams. For people who DON'T do this on a regular basis, it might be noteworthy, though.
Alright, probably a nap now.
So yeah, as promised, here's an interpretation of a dream I had. If you haven't read the post I made earlier today yet, go read it first!
Also, a few warnings: there will be some vague sexual references, and some more vivid just-plain-creepy imagery, described under the cut.
This dream was from a few months ago - about a month before Winter break actually. It was a pretty big deal at the time, though. By now I only remember a few snippets from it (still impressive considering how LONG it's been) but luckily I have the whole thing written down in my dream journal! I told you they're handy! Mine's a notebook with the Justice League on the front :D
I'll start by just copying the relevant part of the dream here so you can read it. Remember I had just woke up so excuse plz if my narrative skills were not excellent 6 n 9 I'm copying it verbatim, including ampersands, which I use ALL THE TIME when I'm writing by hand. Anything in [brackets] is added now for clarification.
I went to an expensive member's club sort of place, like you would usually find at an airport, & at first I somehow bypassed the front desk. When I turned around & saw the guy there he looked weird - all red & purple & sort of rotten, & didn't feel "real," but when I approached him he seemed normal & had a British accent. I asked if could have a tour & he started to say something about a cult; I couldn't hear him - there was a vacuum like ours behind me, blowing out the top [and making a lot of noise so I couldn't hear him]. I apologized & moved closer but still couldn't hear him well. I assumed he was turning me down & joking about it. Suddenly it [as in the dream, or everything] changed. It was me as a black-haired woman filming him & the other woman in the room [she had been sitting at another desk behind the front desk; also, I forgot to mention, but this scene took place in woods, at night] as they did some sort of bondage where they were tied to each others' backs. Everything was fine one moment - hot, even [lol me] - & then, suddenly, the man was saying "there's something wrong with her!" & when he rolled over I could see she was dead, & then she was sort of shrinking [like she was decomposing very quickly] Somebody said "their bones are dissolving" & "there's something wrong." [We also couldn't get the man untied from the decomposing corpse, and it seemed whatever was happening was contagious] This was interspersed with images of a horse's hooves & leg bones in dirt, & woods [during the day] I woke an hour before my alarm, & couldn't go back to sleep.
This was led up to by fitful sleeping, & upon waking I was afraid of everything - afraid to move, then to get off my bed, then afraid of my Ghostling [lol that's this plush, which I had just finished the night before, so it was on the spare bed across the room from mine].
Alright, so that's the dream, and a bit of what happened after I woke up. This dream terrified me, and I was upset by it all day. I couldn't even try to interpret it until I had calmed down quite a bit - and even then I needed some help. I didn't know where to start, so
srztanjur and I did a tarot reading on it; the tarot reading said, in essence, that I was neglecting myself. That was enough for me to put it together.This dream is full of personal symbolism. The primary imagery, of the man tied to the corpse of the woman, is actually a personal symbol of mine - I didn't recognize it at first because hoshit it's disturbing when it's presented so realistically. It's, essentially, a symbol of my personal feelings towards my body, and being trans; I often visualize my body as a person separate from me - because I did build up an entire socially-acceptable 'woman' persona to go along with it - a person that I'm tied to.
No, usually, that person isn't a corpse. However, that part of me, that person I've been tied to for a long time, is dead now; I don't act female anymore, even around distant relatives I'm not out to. I'm myself, and male, 100% of the time.
But although I've personally accepted that, at the time, I wasn't doing a lot about it. I didn't have time to! School was taking pretty much all of my time, and the rest I just wanted to chill out, not think about how to have The Talk with my parents (I've come out to them, but haven't had a real talk with them about what that means). And I was also - this is the important part - ignoring the distress and frustration that was causing for me; I was repressing that and pretending I was fine with this stagnation. That's why it ended up coming out in such a violent manner, in a dream, when I couldn't actively repress it.
Other personal symbols of note in this dream:
Bondage: the dream began with some bondage. I probably haven't mentioned this before, but I'm pretty heavily into BDSM...in theory. I'm actually still a virgin, because I have too many issues with my body to be sexually active. So in this case, the bondage probably represented both my sexuality, and my general enjoyment of life - which was interrupted and corrupted by the emotions I was ignoring.
Horse bones: I am SO scared of horses. And no, before you ask, it's not because of their size. Actually, all animals built for running creep me out; horses, cheetahs, and greyhounds all (I don't have a problem with draft horses). I legit have fears that I'll look outside and see a horse standing there, just STARING at me. Horse BONES are just as bad. This image, of horse bones and hooves in dirt, seems to have been just a manifestation of my fear; probably the fear that I would never be able to move forward in my trans* journey, that I was stuck forever.
And that's it. But wait, you might be thinking, some other things in there looked like they could be symbolic, too! Why did the guy have a British accent? Why did you start in a Frequent Fliers club? What about the vacuum that looked just like yours? Why were you a girl in the dream?
Well, some of these things might indeed be symbols, but most of them probably are not. I already understand what I was expressing in the dream, and it doesn't look to me as if interpreting any more symbols in the dream would afford it a deeper level of meaning. The only thing that I might be inclined to take a closer look at would be the fact that in the dream, I was a woman; but in fact, I happen to switch genders (male, female, and other genders) frequently in dreams. For people who DON'T do this on a regular basis, it might be noteworthy, though.
Alright, probably a nap now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 04:22 am (UTC)Anyway. I know absolutely nothing about tarot cards so I don't think I'd be able to use those to help. My dreams are so.. I don't even know. I remember a LOT of them, even dating back from when I was little (like 3 and 4.. believe it or not). They're so realistic. The feelings, everything.
Upon waking up I have been crying, I have been talking, I have had strange scratches/pains/etc (though that's rare). I've even had orgasms. Real ones.. during sleep, and "look mom no hands" lol
I don't know where I'm going with this because it's kind of late and I'm tired.. but sometimes I feel like my dreams can't be figured out lol
no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:07 am (UTC)And you don't know if they can be figured out until you try...although tbh the scratches and pains, and the orgasms, indicate to me that some of your dreams might be somewhat beyond normal dreams. It even sounds like there could be something like an incubus involved (although I don't actually know much on the subject of incubi).
no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 02:39 pm (UTC)Anyway. That's another reason I know I don't move at all when I orgasm in my sleep. Mike has been up (playing games or whatev) and I'll wake up and ask him if I moved or made a noise or anything.. and nothing.
The scratch/slice happened once. I was 16 or 17 (yea this has been happening for a long time, in several different houses/places) and there was this slice on my left forearm. It wasn't a cat scratch, it wasn't dotted or reddened or anything. It was just a slice and it was bleeding. I still have a scar from it.
The pains I usually just shrug off as "I must have slept funny" or maybe "Mike rolled over and hammer punched me in his sleep" lol I don't know.. but I feel pain a lot in my dreams too. Maybe I have an overactive imagination?
**I should also mention that when I said I would "wake up and ask him" I would actually make myself wake up to see if he was up so I could ask questions. See, I am 99% aware in my dreams that it IS just a dream and I can usually control what I do. I can wake up at any point if I want to.
I'm going to PM you right now.